i;ll be attacking shitloads of stuff, feel free to stop reading any time.

labels
as much as we hate them, or dont, they're inevitable.
first punk, then goth, now emo, soon to be scene until MTV or Myspace or whatever the fuck comes up with a new one for people to suckle on, then before we know it, calling people that won't be trendy, and there will be ANOTHER label which will then turn "un-cool", so on and so forth.

"cool"
Who the fuck defines what's cool and what's not cool?
Is there some higher power that defines:
-what we listen to
-what we wear
-who we talk to
-what we eat
-weather we study or not
-if we should go to parties
etc.
Because the amount of times i've heard a certain individual say:
YOU'RE NOT COOL YOU FUCKING CUNT!
makes me want to throw up.

One thing I noticed:
The people who call themselves 'punk'are into non-conforming, no?
so when someone comes along and tries to hang out with them,(NO this hasn;t happened to me), they say "No, you're not punk".
I've heard that happen before, and it made me think-
how do you fit into a label that demands non-conformity...?

Society & the media:
It's like it's a crime to be yourself these days, instead of people smiling when they see you actually wearing clothes, they glare at you for wearing one shard of black clothing.
That is bullshit.
I was on a walk today, black mcr shirt, grey shorts and long black/red/white striped socks.
I got more glares then the fucking local drug dealer.
People are too upthemselves to notice this going on, instead of scowling at the teenager who's barely clothed, they glare at the person wearing black like they killed their fucking children.
What the fuck?
The media promotes basically everything, and one thing I've noticed there is that it also promotes being yourself, well that's all well and good until people give you death stares for not looking like you "should".
Here's the media cycle-
They're basically telling you to go out, get verbally bashed for doing what they tell you, feel bad for yourself, consume more of their bullshit and do it some more, and the LOW SELF ESTEEM CYCLE continues.

On a similar note..
I used to read some of the girly magaiznes, and i noticed that i would constantly have low selfesteem for not looking like the other girls in the magazines.
They tell you to feel good about your self, but on every second page (as it would seem)there's a photo of a skin-and-bones "model" who's been through HOURS of makeup, and after the photo's taken, then airbrushed to "perfection".
You get low self esteem looking at a ficticious picture for god sakes, they probably to acknowledge this, but choose to ignore it, as long as the girls keep buying the shitty excuse for litarature.

Highschool Parties
And why I'll never go to them.
Basically all the trendy parties to go to are the ones where you get fucked up and almost die.
Consuming litres of alcohol and fucking shitloads of drugs is considered "in". That just seems a bit wrong, doesn't it?
I'd rather be sitting on my ass at home, being "un-cool", then getting my stomach pumped when I over dose.

Judgementality
I know these people at school who hate me because I'm not exactly like them, they claim that they're not like everyone else, when in reality, they're exactly the same.
In this case, I'm not a hiprocrite.
I have a friend, Naomi, who's definately the smartest girl in our year, she hates the music i listen to, the doesn't dress the same way as I do, or go to concerts, but I admire her courage, and she admires mine, we're good friends.
There's an example.
And here's what those guys don't see:
Me and my friends walk out of the school and they throw insults at us, what are they wearing under their school shirts? Band shirts.
If you looked up "stereotypical emo" on google images, I'm pretty sure that you'd see a picture of them.
eg, snake bites, black hair+fringe dyed blonde, bandana around their necks, etc.
Yet they hate us for what reason...? (yes i lost my point in this one).

John Howard
The prime minister of australia, aka national fuck-up.
He puts money into private schools, and when he puts money into public schools it's not for the benefeit of education, it's for the sports team (like felise mentioned).
Maybe if they weren;t so focussed on such an extravagent P.E program, they could have the educational resources for children to feel better about themslves, then they'd get into sports teams and loose the weight.
His politics are bullshit, and he's mirroring bush.
Why the hell did we "need" to go into Iraq!?
I dont think someone should be a leader of a country if they cant think for themselves, and have the guts to say no to Curious George.

Band fights:
In listening to bouncing souls song "sing along forever", something occured to me.

"touch my heart, I'll sing along forever,
give me a reason to care, I'll sing along forever."

If a band means something to you in a certain way, you'll hold that with you, and you'll stick by them
If a band means something yo you, you'll still love them regardless of the fights they've had with other people that dont concern you.
I'm listening to who I want and not giving a shit about the rest.

and as for 'emo'
it'll blow over by the time january hits.

*takes bow and falls off stage*

it doesn't even concern me, but lately i've been focussing on mum and dad's divorce.
I havn't ever had one fucking holiday as a whole "family" in my mind.
not even a christmas.
they divorced when I was 1. fucking 1.
Every holiday it reminds me of the fact that i'm either with mum or dad, NEVER both.
and it hurts.
This in particular made the wound re-surface:
“She told me that she was going to tell you the reason why we got divorced. She said you had right to know now that you and Michael are adults. I was afraid you were only calling because you wanted to tell me what a horrible father I was, and I couldn’t take that. I couldn’t stand the thought of either of my kids telling me they hated me.”
“What are you talking about?” Gerard asked. “Mom said you didn’t get along anymore.”
“She’s right,” the older man answered. “But did she tell you why?”
“No.”
Donald sighed, then began slowly, “I got another woman pregnant.”
“…What?”
“I cheated on your mother. I slept with Cheryl and got her pregnant.”
“Cheryl, as in the one you’re married to now?”
“Yes.”
Rage was an understatement.
“So, what, Mikey and me weren’t good enough for you anymore?”
“No, Gerard, that’s not –”
“You lied about Cheryl’s kid being your step-daughter, didn’t you? Katie’s technically our sister, isn’t she?”
There was a long pause before Donald finally said, “Technically, yes – she is.”
Gerard nodded his head, thoroughly enraged at his father. Managing to calm himself somewhat, he said slowly, “I don’t hate you.”
“I’m glad to hear that, son.”
“But I will never, ever forgive you.
That fucking killed me inside.
And i'm fucking ungreatful as shit, something bad could happen to one of them, and the only thing I care about is them not being together for my sake?
fuck im an asshole.

I dont know why I'm listening to this song either,
if a stupid poem
could fix this home
i'd read it every day.

im such a fuckhead.

</end>

hm, first period:
i had geography, which is usually shitty, but i sit next to lawrence now, and he wins at life.
It consisted of mainly him and me yelling at jenny for her to make asian throwing stars, and then she made lawrence a 'retarted star' as they called it.
inside was me and his fortune for the day:
Laura...will have good luck.
Laura's friend...meh.
and he said:
SEE! inside a retarted person, there's always good.
And I laughed at his cornyness.

second period:
English, which meant watching a doccumentary on sci-fi, and that was awesome, very relaxing, even though I got movied from my usual seat at the back.

OMGWTF ROLECALL!
Just me eating an apple and talking to Frank, Mehrad and Jason.

third period:
SCIENCE. We marked a 5 question quiz then went into the room next door and watched a shitty movie on atoms, and that involved me tearing up a Kerrang! magazine and pasting the pics in my diary that i'm planning on throwing at geetard in november.

fourth period:
Maths, our teacher was away, so we had my science teacher, AGAIN, an the lesson was pretty much Kevin (NOT my brother) yelling at sean.

-END-

random act of kindness:
telling mum not to make kevin to do his modern history cos he found out he cant join the airforce if he cant to maths.
BAHA.

"Welcome to the black Parade".

A lot of the lines, I can relate to, well, barring the parts where Gerard wrote son, OBVIOUSLY.
My grandad had high hopes for me, he thought that I would make a difference in peoples lives.
He used to take me to the city all the time, around circular quay, and I really miss the times when we'd go on the ferry, go on the train, and I'd feel 100% complete.
Lately Grandad's health hasn't been all that good, he was recently in hospital for a hernia treatment, and he has dementure.
He and gran are moving to a retirement village, and the only news that I got from that news was that they were getting closer to the inevitable (dark, I know).
Gran and Grandad have basically raised me from birth, mum was busy a lot, trying to make a living, and grandad was teaching me how to walk and talk, gran was teaching me how to be a compasionate human being (like she is), but that concept was obviously lost on me.

In hearing this song, it just brings up a lot of the past.
The good, the bad and the things I need to come to realisation with, that they will die one day, and that I will have to accept that fact.
These two people mean so much to me, it's hard to even write this without breaking into tears.
The chorus, that's what means the most to me:

We'll carry on,
We'll carry on,
and though you're dead and gone,
believe me,
your memory will carry on,
we'll carry on,
and though you're broken and defeated,
your weary widow marches.

On the way home from the hospital, a week ago, I was in tears.
I'd seen grandad in a hospital bed, and it fucking hurt more then words can say.
So I messaged Ishmael, she's prolly the best person in the world in these situations, I can always turn to her, and she always knows what to say.
She told me listen to my I-pod and see if it helps.
I did what she said, and guess what song came on?
Yes, 'Welcome to the black parade'.
I was listening to the lyrics when I noticed how hard they hit me, how much they had the potential of meaning.
It made me realise,
yes he will die,
but even though he's gone,
it doesn't mean that he'll be forgotten,
it doesn't mean that he won't live on in our hearts.
And I feel better in realising this, and writting this.

I take care of grandad, and I want to spend so much time with him, making sure he's feeling content in whatever he's doing. He was and still is an amazing human being. He always will be. He will live on.
He made such an impact in so many people's lives, it's impossible for him to be fogotten, and die in a sense.

"When someone dies, you have to focus on all the good that they've done in the world, and not focus on the fact that they won't be on the Earth any more."- Ray fucking Toro.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

someone who knows who she is.
someone who has the capability to make everyone around her smile.
someone who knows how to make people laugh, even under the worst conditions.
someone who's passionate.
someone who's beautiful.
someone who doesn't care how cliché I sound when I'm talking to or about her.
someone who's shorter then Iero.
someone who I can relate to in many more ways then we should be.
someone who is just plain awesome.
someone who is worth dieing for.
someone who's damn fantastic in horrible times.
someone who can find beauty out of the ones who cant see it in themselves.
someone who can radiate strength.
someone who can chase away the monsters.
someone who always knows what to say.
someone who deserves the best.
someone I love.
someone who knows who she is.


happy late one month.

Billy Talent and My Chemical Romance were sitting in the lounge area of a tour bus druing the warped tour one hot night.

"Dude, that joke fucking sucks compared to the others." Bob states, taking a swig of his beer, slowly becoming intoxicated.
"Yeah, I agree." Ben said.
"Oh really?!" Frankie protested.
"Well why don't you tell a funnier one, Bryar?" Iero challenged.
"Alright." Bob said, cracking his neck and knuckles just for dramatics.
"A watermelon, a cucumber and a penis are having a conversation one day.
The watermelon says,
"My life is so shit, I get chopped up and put into salads!"
Then the cucumber says,
"You think your life's bad, i get chopped up and put into omelettes!"
Then the penis says,
"You think YOUR life's crap?! I get a bag put over my head, shoved into a warm, dark room, then jigged up and down till I throw up!"
The room full of nine men exploded in laughter, nodding their heads, and mock bowing to the drummer, even Frankie.
"Aiight, you were right." Frankie says, taking a large gulp, then belching as loud as he can.
Gerard made a screwed up face, the other vocalist, Ben, nodding in agreement, which then resulted in Gerard blishing redder then the shirts they used to wear in the time of Revenge.

The bus came to a halt a while after, and the musicians piled off the bus with bags, getting ready to stay the night at a secluded(no not really)hotel.
The driver adressed them. "Okay, the rooms are:
Ben and Gerard.
Bob and Ray.
Jon and Frank.
Ian and Aaron.
And you all get to choose who Mikey's staying with."
Mikey pouted, and shot the driver a pissed off look, which turned back into a puppy pout.
"We'll take him." Ray said, slinging his arm around the bassists shoulder, smiling drunkenly.
"Okay, get your keys, and go to the rooms." The driver instructed.

The men went to their rooms, bidding each other goodnight, and jokingly wishing each other safe sex, making both Gerard and Ben blush, though the others were completely oblivious.

Gerard took his small over night bag and threw it on the bed, the only bed in the whole room.
The hotel was hot, as it was summer, and Gerard searched the place for an air conditioner, as Ben took off his shirt.
Gerard was about to alert Ben, but stopped when he saw the lack of clothing the other singer had on.
Ben shot him a wierd look, accompanied by a blush then looked away until Gerard began to blush.

"Uh-th-the air conditioner isn't working, and-and there's only one bed..."
God he's cute when he stutters--WHAT!?
Ben would have choked on his drink if he was drinking, but he wasn't, so instead he choked on air.
Gerard rushed to his side, and patted his bare back until Ben got his breath back.
"One bed...eh?" He asked.
"Yeah." Gerard said, trying to hide both his grin, and his near hard-on.
"Fuck it's hot here." Ben stated.
Gerard nodded in agreement of more then one thing.
"How can you stand to wear clothes!?" Ben demanded.
Gerard shrugged, then felt inadiquate to his friend.

Gerard appeared nailed to his place to Ben, so he helped him.
Ben lifted off Gerard's shirt, leaving him half naked to his eyes, and his eyes only.
He found it hard not to lick his lips at the sight infront of him, muscled, and toned(HAH)and all his.
Now it was Ben's turn to stutter.
"You-you wanna d-drink?" Ben asked.
Gerard shook his head, blushing wildly with both embarrasment and arousal, he was sure Ben could see now.
"Okay, all mine then." Ben said, trying to put on a confident stance.
He walked past Gerard and over to the mini fridge, bending over, giving Gerard a full view, and pulling out an ice cold Corona.
Ben took the lid off, and attacted his lips to the neck of the beer, not caring if some of the alcohol came out of his mouth, this was for Gerard's sake after all.

Gerard was 100% sure that Ben could see he was hard.
Sure it would be easy, he was wearing girl pants, and well, we all know they don't leave much to the imagination if you're a male (especially if you're Ray Toro).
Gerard cleared his throat, grabbing the other singers attention, only for a second, while Ben's tongue preformed profane things to the opening of the bottle, making Gee cringe of the thought of that tongue on his length.

"U-uh I'm going to bed."
Now it was Gerard's time to be a total cocktease.
He walked over to the bed allocated part of the hotel, and slowly undid his belt, allowing it to fall to the floor beneath him.
Next came his pants, the material sticking to every inch of his legs on the way down.
Ben found it hard not to drool at the sight infront of him, let alone hard not to run over and fuck him right there.
"Good night, Ben." Gerard said, crawling across the bed seductivly.

"Fuck this." Ben mumbled under his breath.

Gerard had stripped the bed of the sheets, as it was far too hit to need them, and he had turned around so he could lie on his side, so Ben would have a non obstructed view of his ass.

Ben dropped his shorts and ran to the bed, barely pulling Gerard onto his back in time.
Crushing their bodies completely together, Ben gave them their first kiss together.
Gerard moaned into the kiss, grinding his hips up wards, making them both moan together.
"Fuck...you..fucking ...cock tease!" Gerard grunted as he came back for air.
"Mrf." Ben replied, joining their lips together.
Gerard flipped Ben on his back gnawing anamilistically on his collar bone, generating the most beautiful sounds he'd ever heard in his whole life.
"Fuck-fuck me Gerard!" Ben moaned.
"What was that?" Gerard asked, moving down his body, taking his boxers down with him.
"Fuck...UNGH FUCK ME! FUCKING FUCK ME GERARD!" he screamed as Gerard engulfed him whole.
Using whatever strength he had, Gerard hollowed out his cheeks, intent on teasing the absolute shit out of Ben.
"Aaah! AAH FUCK! I'm almost there!" He screamed.
That's when Gerard pulled off, kneeling up, and moving back.
"What...what the fuck!?" Ben demanded, recovering from the near-orgasmic state he was in.
"You said you wanted me to fuck you, correct?" Gerard asked.
Ben nodded.
"Well, then there's no point if I'm just going to suck the fun out of everything, now is there?" He asked.
Ben groaned, flipping him off.

Ben closed his eyes, trying to relax, and then Gerard went to his bag, pulling out a condom, a canister of lube, and a pair of handcuffs.
Gerard went to Ben's side, and made sure he was sleeping.
Bingo.
He handcuffed his hands behind the bedpost, and left him there.
Gerard pulled his own boxers down, leaving him naked, and hard, with only a lubed condom on.
Hands either side of Ben's hips, he lined himself up, and between Ben's legs.
"This is what happens to motherfucking cockteases!" He hissed, slamming right in, not bothering to prep Ben or anything.
"HOLY FUCK!!!!" Ben screamed.
He tugged on his arms but that was no use.
"Fuck Gerard!" He snapped.
Gerard was still between his legs, thrusting in and out, not bothering to stop for anything, because it felt so damn good.
Moaning like a whore, he re-angled himself, then thrust in.
"HOLY-AAAAAAAAH SHIT!" Ben moaned, louder then he had before.
Both the men moaning, the most vocal people in the hotel, let alone the band.
Ben pushed down when Gerard pushed up, this was the rhythm, this was theirs, their's alone.
"Fuck-fuck Gee...I'm close!" He moaned.
Gerard clawed at the bed sheets, and Ben at the cuffs as they rode out their orgasms together, screaming the most profanities you'd ever hear.

Gerard pulled out of Ben, then un-locked the cuffs, sliding down his body, and into his arms.
"Fuck...Gerard." Ben panted.
"Too late." Gee replied.
Ben smiled, and laughed.
"You suck."
"Ain't that the truth." Said a voice.
Their heads turned to the left to see the bodies of seven other men, all naked.

I fail to see why we only have two classes together,
and why she gets to sit next to him in another class.
*dies inside*
I miss him.

I better not get sued for this.
...
I dont even have a disclaimer...

....dont sue me......
ahem, so here is my life sotry summed up into the parody song titled:
WITH SLASH AND CHEESE.

I am a slash dealer.
Fitting you with orgasms in the form of words
And don't really care, which side creams
As long as the room keeps moaning
That's just the business I'm in

This ain't a clock, it’s a god damn wrist watch
This ain't a clock, it’s a god damn wrist watch
This ain't a clock, it’s a god damn wrist watch
I'm not a marijuana plant, but I tell time

I so own your face
and I’m oh so evil, also into Bryar, also Into Bryar
I so own your face
and I’m oh so evil, also into Bryar, also Into Bryar

I wrote the gospel on having cheese
(You look pretty munching)
But the real Geetards have already munched
(pre-gerardiros of the cheeseblock)
At night we're cutting up your cheese board while you sleep
Cutting not butter no
No, more like M-M-Mikey faces!

This ain't a clock, it’s a god damn wrist watch
This ain't a clock, it’s a god damn wrist watch
This ain't a clock, it’s a god damn wrist watch
I'm not a marijuana plant, but I tell time
My red hippy van's full. Please, catch another


I so own your face
and I’m oh so evil, also into Bryar, also Into Bryar
I so own your face
and I’m oh so evil, also into Bryar, also Into Bryar

All the boys to the dance floor giving crabs
And all the girls whose hernias couldn't move fast enough
THRUST! until your feet give out

This ain't a clock, it’s a god damn wrist watch
This ain't a clock, it’s a god damn wrist watch
(Now you)
This ain't a clock, it’s a god damn wrist watch
(Wear out the groove)
This ain't a clock, it’s a god damn wrist watch
(meese out loud)
This ain't a clock, it’s a god damn wrist watch
(Oh, oh ORGASM!)
This ain't a clock, it’s a god damn wrist watch

(Wet Dream again. Were late)

I so own your face
and I’m oh so evil, also into Bryar, also Into Bryar
I so own your face
and I’m oh so evil, also into Bryar, also Into Bryar!

you like?

someone tell me how the hell i make those slash stories...I mean where do i submit them!?